The continuation - Cliff Notes Alvis

After his venture into teenhood he rode against Texas and destroyed the Alamo where in pure alvis fashion preceeded to urinate on the building due to his drunkeness and consumation of much brandy that day. Thus this inspired Ozzy many years later to relive Alvis's quest on his pilgrimage for Ozzy is an Alvian unbeknownst to many. After killing many Texans he then turned on his Mexican allies, for his bloodlust had not yet been quenched. It was at this time he led a band of commanchees to conquer Quetziquotal and Montezuma. He parted the Rio Grande to lead his blood thirsty chiefs on a quest which involved poisoning the water supply with ExLax which still runs through the supply of water in Mexico to this day. Most would ride a Horse into battle but this is merely too small for the greatness of Alvis . . . He chose instead to ride a rhino, which he had tamed many years earlier using tranquilizers and Alvis' special brand ESP. When Alvis reached capitol he was appalled at what he saw, many a young woman with no children to call thier own. He thus unsheathed his savior staff and preceeded to populate the city with many Alvises for he was very viril reguardless of the constant whiskey drinking. Alvis and his pet rhino; Roy, rulled the town for 5 years through iron fist dictatorship where he had his pyrimid built (though later destroyed) he killed almost 2000 people in his 5 year rule which inluded many a witch and many a blasphemer. Those who died on his watch died under two main techniques: Drawn and Quartered, and Cannon which he had seen on the Discovery Channel.

When he grew bored of rulling Mexico he made his way to the rockies where he had heard were many cougars to be killed and lots of gold. Though he found no cougars save a handful and no gold he did find a young boy, Davy Crockett, wrestling a bear. When approched Alvis proclaimed "Why does though fight this bear? has it wronged you in some way?" Crockett stated "this bear has stolen my sister's virginity (an obvious lie told to Crockett by the sister when he had found her hymen had been breached) and I must now avenge her!" "But this bear is mearly an animal and has no interst in humanly flesh for if he did your sister would surely be consumed and in the belly of this magnificant beast!" thus Alvis spoke. "perhaps you are correct in this manner, please tell me more mr. uh I dont even know your name..." "Call me Alvis, I am the former king of Mexico and the savior un this land. I will show you how to tame this bear and use him to devour your enemies as I have tamed this rhino to follow me. Your sister is a blasphemer and most likely a witch who has found kind another man other than yourself and must thereby be punished for her wickedness!!" spoke Alvis.

The proceeded to hunt down the sister and found her as Alvis had said, in the arms of a young bloke with a full set of teeth and a scar that resembled the Rio Grand. Alvis lifted his arms and with the help of a drunken bear tore the man limb from limb. It was only through the conversion of Crocketts sister to Alvinism at the last second that she was spared from the same demise. Her punishment could not be forgon entirely and thus she was forced to have one eye removed so that her vision of Alvis shall always be clear and true.

It was then that Alvis had disapeared in the middle of the night to travel to New Orleans for there was much partying to be had as Fat Tuesday approached and he was not one to forgo a good drunken titty filled time. Alvis made his way down the Louisiana Trail to a town outside of New Orleans in Shreveport where he befreinded several soldiers who had contracted syphilis the week before. He lifted his arms and thus healed them of their sores and decided they shall accompany him to the bowels of the south for a raunchy week of debauchery.

The tale is frought with disaster as unknown to Alvis and his fellow soldiers a storm is brewing in the Gulf, one which has already consumed several gold laden ships bound for the pirate port of the Keys.